HOLDING ON

The Lord has been trying to teach me something lately. Something I know. Something I have learned before. Something I consistently need to be reminded. It’s about holding on.

I believe we should hold our loved ones closely. We don’t know what tomorrow may bring. We don’t know when that “time” will be the “last time”. We shouldn’t take small moments, mundane moments, exhausting moments for granted. We should cherish and hold on tight.

In that same breath, I believe we are called to hold our loved ones loosely. To let them fly. To remember who held them first. To know who always holds them. To know whom they truly belong.

After all, they are not really “ours” to begin with. A hard, but GOOD truth.

I will love my husband dearly and care for him as best I can. But at the end of the day, he is not mine.

I will care for, feed, clothe, kiss, and snuggle my little toddler. I will give her all of me and all I have. But at the end of the day, she is not mine.

I will carry and make smart choices for this little one growing inside of me. I will treat my body and what goes in it with care. But at the end of the day, she is not mine.

Isn’t it SO good to know they are not ours, yet SO hard to remember?

Isn’t it SO good to know that at the end of the day, no matter how good (or bad) of a job we did that day, someone so much bigger and greater is holding onto them? I find that reassuring. Especially when I feel like I lost more times than I won that day.

But I also can’t help but feel protective over them in a sense that they are MINE and I get to decide what happens to them (only good things of course!).

This is wordy and all over the place, but maybe you needed to process this with me too?

Devastating stories about losing loved ones, especially little ones, are all to common. Every time I hear/read one I feel my protective mama bear coming out and I hold Anniston’s hand a little tighter as we cross the street and hold her a little longer before I put her in her bed at night.

Cherishing these moments is not wrong. It is SO SO right. BUT thinking we control these moments or the future… that is where I can go so wrong.

Last week Anniston had an ear infection (we didn’t know about yet) and was up from about 9pm-2am. She sleeps 12 hours straight every night so this was obviously VERY off for her. As I went up to hold her for about the 5th time that night, exhausted and drained, I could have just tried to rock and sooth her quickly, but the Lord, in His kindness, used this time to soften my heart and teach me a little something.

I used that time to pray over my little girl who would only sleep if her head was on my chest. I knew her illness was nothing serious, but I prayed the Lord would not take my girl away from me. That I would get to watch her grow up healthy and happy. I begged Him to not take her from my arms too soon. I believe I get to pray these prayers and the Lord hears my heart. BUT I also know Anniston is not mine and so I also prayed in praise that she belongs to the Father and that His plans and timing are perfect.

It is such a conflicting feeling to be selfish with those you love most and also trust the Lord with those same loved ones. But we MUST remember He is Greater. His plans are Better. His ways are Higher. Even when it seems impossible for someone to love your people more than you do, He does. And even when you think you know better, He knows BEST.

That is the truth we must cling to in this big, scary world. That is the truth I am clinging to today! He knows best and He already knows our steps. His plans are good and thank goodness for that!