The Struggle

I'm sitting in a nail salon waiting to get a pedicure as I think through what to write this week. I am a pretty strong type-A personality so I have most of my topics (and life! ha!) planned out ahead of time and love to follow my schedule, but right now, I'm just not feeling it. I'm not supposed to be in a nail salon right now, but I'm not feeling my 5 mile run either so this is where I landed during "mommy time". Oops.

I'm tired. I'm a tad grumpy. I feel like I could sleep for hours and still not feel rested. And I just want to eat a whole bag of Reese's eggs. And no, I am NOT pregnant (just so I don't start any rumors out there). 

I could say "I don't know why I feel this way," but I could probably pick out a few things. I feel like when I get in these "funks" it's never just one thing, but a laundry list of little things that start to weigh me down. Missed quiet times. Missed workouts. Too much social media scrolling. Bad eating habits. Lazy downtime. Nothing AWFUL, but all together, provides the perfect storm to get me down and weary. 

I don't think I truly realized I was in my funk until last night. Miles and I were in bed and I was complaining about an insecurity I was dealing with. He didn't realize I was being serious so he teased me about it. Ya'll. You would have thought he trash talked my mama with the way I responded to him. Not my finest hour. Luckily we made up quickly, but it did give me a wake up call to get my act together. 

Today I set the goal to get my life back in order. I woke up early to have my quiet time. Stayed off Instagram so I could be productive during Anniston's nap times. Made myself a few healthy meals. And got my workout in. Well... half my workout. A relaxing pedicure was calling my name. Baby steps.

So now I'm all better, right? Chipper and ready to take on the world? Well I did just snap at my husband on the phone about our dinner plans for tonight. My sweet, hard working husband that went into work early so he could come home early and give me my mommy time. Yeah, I snapped at him. I'm on a roll here people. 

When I pulled into the parking lot for my spontaneous mommy time I just had to stop what I was doing and pray. Pray for Jesus to take over and literally kill that within me that does not bring Him glory. I have been acting without Him and that is NEVER a good thing. I can't be my best self on my own. I can't do anything good on my own. I somehow always forget that the only good in me is the saving power of Jesus Christ and if I'm not acting on that, well, I think I've given you enough examples of what happens if I'm not acting on that. Today was a good start in the right direction of making wise choices, but unless I'm calling on Jesus to empower me and move through me, I'm nothing. 

So today I'm not only leaving the nail salon with fresh feet, I'm leaving with a fresh heart. A heart that needed to be reminded how lost I am without my Father, but a Father that is always ready and willing to welcome me in His arms. I'm sure you're all much better than I am and never get in these funks, but just in case you do, I urge you to steal away and take care of your soul. That time is never wasted and the Lord is eagerly waiting to chip away your old and make you brand new. 

So here I am. Your local pastor's wife. Sinful. Selfish. A little bit crazy. Probably sharing too much of my dirty laundry, but a daughter of the King. Forgiven. Blameless in His sight. Thank GOODNESS for that truth! I'm not sure what is weighing you down today, but I hope these lyrics by Michael W. Smith leave you feeling confident as you take on this day. You are not alone!

(This is how I fight my battles)

It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You.