2020, THE YEAR OF...

“2020! The year of COURTNEY!” -Courtney Fidell circa January 2020

This is embarrassing. But it is 100% true. I only said this to a few of my closest friends so I wouldn’t come across as a complete narcissist, but here I am sharing it on the Internet. Maybe I’ve gone a little crazy OR maybe I’ve learned a thing or two. ;)

True, I did declare this year MY year, but let me paint a picture for you. I was coming off almost four years of sharing my body with another through pregnancy or keeping an infant fed with no gap between. I love my babies. I love my family. I love what our bodies can do. But man, I was ready for a break. A little time to take care of “me.” No mom is ever supposed to admit it, but yes, I needed some space.

And then 2020 happened. Not exactly the year I had in mind for “my” year ha. My husband and I had been planning our big Mediterranean trip and of course, that was canceled, along with a million other plans. Instead I was locked up in my house with two toddlers for five months. Not quite the same. (Insert all the bonkers emojis).

But let me tell ya, I’m pretty sure 2020 has still been “my” year. Not in the way I had envisioned, but isn’t that always the way God works?

I was looking forward to 2020 and getting to do a lot of stuff for ME ME ME, but instead I really got to know and work on ME ME ME. And let me tell ya, I’m better for it.

I found myself again this year. I was forced to get alone with the Father (because what else could I do?) and work through some things I had been holding onto. I was able to forgive and to grow. I was able to see I didn’t need a year to enjoy being “Courtney” again, but that I get to be that person all the time and in every season.

I am a mom, yes, and it is by far my favorite title, but that is just one of my titles. I am a woman. A wife. A church leader. A writer. A friend. A runner. A reader. I am a daughter of the King. And when I remember who I belong to, I am able to remember who I am. I am able to notice all the gifts I have been given and all the gifts I am still growing into. I am able to see I am more than just “one” title because I have been called “chosen” by THE ONE and that is more than I will ever need.

All that to say, 2020 actually has been my year. The trips and plans would have been nice and let’s be honest, we all could have done without the global pandemic, but I’m not throwing this year away. It’s the year I found myself again. And as I step into the age of 31 today (gasp!), I want to lean into all the Lord has for me more than I want anything to be about me. This is my year.

And guess what, it can be yours too. Step into your place as a daughter (or son!) of the God of the universe. Cover yourself in His grace and His love. Watch yourself grow. Believe in your calling. This is YOUR YEAR.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.  - John 15:16

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28