BOUNDARIES
It’s a fun day because we’re talking RELATIONSHIPS. I was struggling with a bit of writer’s block while working on this one so I thought we’d try something NEW.
I put that question up on my Instagram story this weekend and I truly wasn’t sure if I’d get anything in response. But you guys were coming in HOT. So many good questions, but the best part was seeing how intentional you all are trying to be in your relationships or singleness. You want to do it well. It shows that even in this amazing (yet difficult) area, you still want to glorify God. With the way this world is changing, that is something to celebrate! So basically for just asking the questions, GOOD JOB. You’re doing better than you think.
Now onto the fun. I thought about going through every single question (and I think I might still do that soon! Don’t get mad at me!), but after reading through the many responses there was one word that kept jumping out at me.
BOUNDARIES.
Boundaries when you’re single. Boundaries when you’re dating. Boundaries when you’re married. Just BOUNDARIES.
Seeing these responses made the writer’s block disappear because this is something I am passionate about! Not because we did it so well. Oh no. Because we did a great job learning from “experience”. What’s the old saying? “Do as I say, not as I do?”
My husband and I love sharing with others because we learned so much from our past mistakes and are here to cheer you on. We also love our marriage and know what a special gift it is so we continue to protect it through the use of boundaries. And today I’m here to (hopefully) help you! LET’S GET INTO IT!
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23 is one of the most quoted scriptures from the Bible and one I will refer back to throughout. I was reading a commentary recently that spoke of this verse. If everything flows from our heart, then we need to keep it healthy. We don’t want it to dry up and we don’t want it to produce bad fruit. So how do we guard it? BOUNDARIES.
BOUNDARIES IN SINGLENESS
“All my single ladies, all my single ladies” (you know I had to!) LISTEN UP! Do you put up boundaries even when you’re single? YES. You and I both know it’s not smart to watch a late movie with a friend of the opposite sex, or go on a late drive, or stay up late spilling your heart out over the phone. Notice how all of those have “late” in there. I told a friend recently nothing good can happen after 9 pm. Obviously kidding… maybe. ;)
But on a serious note, you don’t need me to tell you what “not to do”. You know that. That nudge of conviction you feel in those moments? Yeah that’s the Holy Spirit trying to help you guard that heart of yours. You know what is smart and wise. It’s just a matter of following through with it.
So what to do in the meantime? Seek after Christ. Be in His Word. In choosing to look like Christ and know His Word, you will naturally fall in line with His ways and protect your heart (and the hearts of your guy friends around you!) as well.
DO SINGLE WELL. Singleness is a GIFT and it’s also a SEASON. Take advantage of this season! Store up time in the Word so your identity is firmly set before anyone else comes in the picture. Have fun with your friends! Pursue your passions! DON’T sit around and wait! DON’T wish this season away. If you choose to have a grateful heart, thankfulness will flow from it as a result!
BOUNDARIES IN DATING
So now you’ve got the guy. YAY. (And yes, I pray it’s a guy that is following the Lord as well so you can pursue these boundaries together.) There are some new boundaries, but some still stay the same. Unless you feel like testing your boundaries at the hardest level, let’s just keep the lights on and enjoy public spaces, okay? ;)
But once again, you don’t need me to tell you that. You know that. What you probably need (at least I did) is advice moving forward and grace to cover any pre-existing shame.
Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve already struggled. Miles and I did too. We are living examples of God’s grace despite the mistakes we made while dating. Don’t let the devil keep you in the shame game. We don’t have time for that.
So what do you? Renew your mind. (Romans 12) Every morning you have a choice. You get the opportunity to wake up and receive grace for your past and hope for a future. You get to set your mind on things above and the great plans He has for you. Turn to the Word to find the truth in His boundaries so you don’t get lost in the world’s or in making your own.
Now is the time to prioritize your relationship with your Heavenly Father more than ever. Dating, engagement, and marriage is so fun and so beautiful, but at the end of the day, you are in a relationship with a sinful human being. Not to mention you’re a sinful human being yourself. That relationship is going to get hard. That person is going to let you down. They will make mistakes and you will too.
So what am I saying? You can’t place your identity (your happiness, your hope, your dreams) in the hands of someone else. You still have to guard your heart.
Your Father is the only one that can truly give you everything you need and your priorities should reflect that.
BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE
First and foremost… are you ready for this? HAVE SEX. Oh yes, we’re going there.
Spoiler alert: God created sex. He created it to be good and as a gift for two people in the covenant of marriage. He wants you to have it and He wants you to enjoy it.
It might sound weird, but you need to have boundaries around your sex life!
The old saying goes that the enemy is trying to shame you with sexual temptations before marriage and then does the exact opposite after you enter into that union. He wants you to bring shame into your marriage. He wants you to lose that intimacy with your spouse. He wants you to believe lies about your relationship.
But we don’t have time for that because we CAN’T LET HIM WIN.
SOLUTION? HAVE SEX. And if you’re not having sex, TALK ABOUT IT. This is no time to be embarrassed and allow time to go by on such an important area of your marriage. Marriage is NOT all about sex, but sex is a tool that the Lord uses for good and the enemy uses for destruction. Let’s keep the conversation line open and build a bond that can’t be broken.
So what keeps that intimacy going? BOUNDARIES.
Mentally checking out of work and into your home life when you step through the door. Not allowing phones to be a distraction. Creating healthy family rhythms if you have kids. Always keeping the line of communication open and the romance alive. Having eyes for your spouse and no one else. Allowing space for accountability in your life to ask you the hard questions. Be present and be available.
So I just flew through a LOT and there is so much more to be said. My hope from here is that you would seek out someone older and wiser in your life to pour into you and a true friend to be your accountability (both preferably from your local church). Be willing to answer (and ask!) the hard questions. Take a true look at your life and your heart and analyze if you are guarding it. Are you protecting it with boundaries in whatever season you find yourself in? No matter what box you check (single, dating, or married), are you in a relationship with God the Father? I pray you turn there first before working on the rest!
This was FUN and I hope to get to all of your other questions sometime soon! xoxo